Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Brockmans: Make mine a big one


Us ladies adore receiving the odd surprise through our letterbox, and we were simply overcome one morning when we came across a bottle of Brockmans standing erect, awaiting us in all its slick-bottled glory.

Brockmans has had a bit of a pounding by the gin purists. Kevan Crosthwaite, the big daddy of Brockmans, believed he could create an edgy gin that could be enjoyed long and late into the night with friends. As you can imagine such late night debauchery is quite a departure for ladies like we, so in order to rise to the occasion I called upon the services of one of the most upstanding gentlemen of the east London scene, a certain Mr Russ Tannen, and thrust myself into his care.

It was getting late and so we got down to business. I poured slowly, we were both enraptured as we watched the smooth aromatic gin flow down into the nether regions of our highballs, mingling with the ice and ripe lime wedges. Next it was the tonic which, aided by Russ’ firm yet gentle touch, gushed forth into my receptacle.

He had a stiff one, I had a wet one. We both noted the ripe burst of blueberry and blackberry this cheeky little gin offered up in olfactory foreplay. We could barely ignore it. Not a London Dry, Brockmans feels more like an Old Tom. It’s sweet, fruity even, and we experimented. Straight up, over ice, this way, that way... The later it got the more insatiable we became.

The morning after, and the air was still thick with the heady mix of Brockmans and Marlboro Reds. We arose. We looked at each other nervously. Was it all just a dream? I asked him to fill me in. He couldn’t. I blushed, removed the ash from my hair, delicately inserted myself onto a 149 bus and journeyed home, 6 limes lighter.

Brockmans is available at  The Ladies advise practicing safe drinking - Always wear stomach protection.


  1. Seriously - I bet you had a hangover from hell from Brockmans. It's such a headache inducing drink. And as for the smell, it's like boiled sweets. If you want to try some good new gins, go for Sipsmith, Berry Bros, Miller's, etc. Avoid Brockmans at all costs.

  2. Seriously- Matthew, give it a rest.

  3. Brockmans isn't an "Old Tom" gin. It is a flavoured vodka. It's plain to all who smell it.